It’s been a minute since I shared some thoughts from the heart. And it took me another minute to figure out why that was…
Turns out, I’m feeling so many things & when I try to articulate them, it becomes a jumble…
See, we are treading these COVID times conservatively. A fair amount more so than most. But we desperately want to be back to normal.
I see a friend share photos from a youth sports game and I have a full onslaught of emotions. It goes something like this:
Wow, look, summer baseball is going great. The kids are having fun and no reports of problems. I’m ready, let’s play fall sports.
Wait, but are the kids really going to distance just because they aren’t in the dugout. What about the girls cheers and chants during softball – won’t that be like singing and spread more?
Whatever, it’s working so I shouldn’t worry. The kids need an outlet. Let’s do it.
Hmmm, we have 4 kids. Are they all going to be allowed to participate in a sport. One wants to play softball, the next dance company, and two who want to play soccer. That’s 4 circles of exposure we are opening ourselves up to…
Oh $hit. What if WE are the ones that bring COVID into the circles. We could infect 4 teams worth of families. We could be a single family super spreader.
But look, all these teams are doing fine. No issues reported. Even the ones that had someone test positive, no one else on the team got it. We should play. It will be good for our mental health as much as our physical health…
But if we truly want to get back to normal, shouldn’t we hold off on the quasi-normal activities to help slow the spread?
But if our community is involved in these activities, will our family holding back even move the needle and if not, why are we not enjoying what we can?
But does that send the wrong message to our kids? Shouldn’t we be teaching them to carry for their neighbors?
Ugh….
It’s not just the youth sports that sends me into that turmoil of debate. It is literally every. single. interaction with others. It’s no wonder I feel a loss of what to do these day, much less what to say.
I truly don’t judge other’s decisions. Okay, I mean, I observe and evaluate them and sometimes I think WTF, but mostly, I am looking at them and trying to put myself in their shoes and decide what I would do in their situation. Usually it comes down to knowing that I want to be doing what they are doing. But I am just not sure if it feels right for me…
Having a big family doesn’t help right now either. If I had one kid and one circle of sports, I think we’d already be back to things. But do I allow some kids to be involved and not all? I think I know how that would go over and it’s not well.
So I keep debating and I keep wondering what is right at every turn. Navigating these times is not fun for anyone, I know. Feeling the need to be conservative, whether an overreaction or not, does not help matters for sure.
I don’t have any answers. But I do know that every time I see people “getting” to do things that we are not, I feel a little more isolated. A little more disconnected. And I wonder if I am doing the right thing.
Talking friends on the frontlines of this virus, I know that I am not wrong to be cautious. That doesn’t mean I think others are wrong, I just know that what we are doing definitely isn’t. And those friends encourage me to keep staying safe. And so I keep evaluating, I keep debating and the cycle of inner talk continues…
And I have a feeling I’m not the only person feeling this way. But the thing is, if you are staying safe and connecting via texts, social medias and zooms, well, there isn’t much enviable to share. And yet you log on and see all the fun others are having and feel alone in your ways. So I guess what I am saying, is that if all this rings true for you, you aren’t the only one. I feel it too. We are in it together. No matter what choices we make…
XOXO
PS: I want to be transparent. We are being conservative. Not strictly isolated. We do see a small circle of family & friends. We feel better outdoors then in. We traveled to the beach and ate out at an outdoor only taco stand. We’ve done a little. But we avoid a lot…
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